Official Day 2 Smoke Free

I just put on my second patch, which means I am officially entering the second day smoke free. I haven't even been near a smoker, so I haven't had any of the secondhand smoke either. With DBF and roomie well into their quits, I feel a lot more strength than I would have otherwise. I have 2 people who have just recently gone through this, who know what it's like and who understand why I'm moody and depressed. I'm very lucky.

On the other hand I don't think my waistline will like this very much. I've been eating candy like it's going to get cancelled tomorrow. I guess I should just throw all of it away and avoid the convenience stores.

Speaking of throwing away...I threw away 2 opened packs and 1 unopened pack, along with 3 lighters today. It felt strange, throwing away something that I used to worship, something that I would never even waste 1 of. And it was hard to actually have the lighter in my hand. But I did it. I threw them away at the car wash, so there won't even be any temptation to go digging through my trash to get them back. Hey, it's an addiction, and a junkie has no problem digging through trash for a hit.

I'm off to school in a few, proudly wearing my tanktop and displaying my patch. I've gotten a lot of support from random strangers today who have told me their quitting experiences. It feels good.

I am in love. Completely, hopelessly, and insanely in love. With the Scion xA. It's curvy, but not feminine. Small, but not whimpy. Fancy enough, but not yuppie. Even the bare-bones, $14,000 model has everything I want. And the gas mileage is almost enough to send me into a stupor. 32/38 mpg. And that's real user-averaged, not just the company's testing rate. Real owners of this vehicle have attested across the internet to almost forgetting what a gas station looks like. How I long for that.
And the price tag is realistic, too. With even a small down payment, I could swing monthly payments of 180$, I think.

This would be my first new vehicle. Budgeting for it will be tough, but I think we can do it. It's to the point where a new car is a necessity. I can no longer feel safe driving my car. I stress out over every last mile I drive, wondering which will be the last one, worried about not having a backup plan. I can't feel free to get in the car and go somewhere...it's like all the life that's left in it is reserved for work and back. It's sad, and I deserve a little bit better than that.

So, this week will be full of more research, trips to dealers, and probably lots of haggling. But presumably at the end of it, I will drive away in the flint-pearl beauty you see here.

Okay, so I did it. I finished cleaning some more and got the bug to go out and take some pictures.

But first I went to Wal Mart and got some cute foam stamps for only 1.47, upper and lower case alphas. They're great. Plus, the clearance section was full of ribbons and adhesives and even some albums. I grabbed a rubber alpha set for only 5$. And of course the obligatory kitty litter and catnip toys.

As for the pictures, I'm not sure how I feel. I mean, I feel good that I practiced, but I'm not sure how they came out for a first timer. I felt like a complete tool in the park taking the pictures. There was a baseball game going on and a million parents with their kids. I think I freaked them out a little bit. I tried to stay very close to the flowers and make it look completely obvious that I wasn't some freak trying to sneak their kids into the picture for some reason.

Again, most of these came out too bright. I swear there wasn't that much sunshine out. I don't know why that's happening. I guess I have a date with my camera manual later tonight.


I had never been to this park before. I was expecting there to be a garden or something, like there were at parks where I used to live. But there was only weeds, and some really cool looking bushes, which I didn't get pics of because they were right next to playing children and the paranoid parents I mentioned earlier. I like this shot because it was a random flower growing out of a crack in the pavement. It just struck me.

And this one too, it's too bright. But the bush was so cool, it was weaving itself in and out of the fence. And every time the wind blew, the whole fence would sway because the bush took over the whole thing. I drive by that park every day, I can even sometimes hear the baseball games from my porch, yet I've never been. I'm going to go explore the walking trails next weekend. Hopefully I'll catch some shots of bugs or something, which is what I was really hoping for today. My only option was bees, and I just got the feeling that a group of bees in a flower would not appreciate being photographed.

I'm not sure exactly how this is supposed to work...

Seems a little fuzzy, but I think with practice I can get rid of that. What really bugs me is that bright light coming from the bottom right. The only thing I can think of that would do that is my carpet...it's off white. Could be reflecting, considering the light source I was using was the sunlight coming through the sliding door.

I played around in Picasa a little bit, and made some of them look really funny, like comic book illustrations. But no luck in getting anything that makes a real improvement. As long as I get proficient enough not to embarrass myself when I attempt a shoot with my brother in his graduation cap and gown, then I'm happy.

I'm debating leaving the house and hunting down some pretty flowers, practice using my close up lenses and macro mode. But that would mean putting on makeup and possibly doing my hair. I'm not sure I can handle that at this moment, but I'll keep it in mind in case inspiration hits me later this afternoon.

Look what I got....


My new aloe plant. I got it as a reward for myself after I managed to rearrange the kitchen, re-organize and move all the dishes and tupperware (including finding all the lids and matching them with their containers). I've decided that I will buy myself a new tablecloth and matching place mats once I shampoo the living room rug and give the kitchen floor a much-needed scrubbing. Baby steps are the way to go. This whole "donesticity" thing is really hitting me, and even though my progress isn't very visible, I'm proud of myself for taking 20 minutes a day to straighten up. I can feel the difference, even if nobody else can see it, because every day my 20 minutes goes a little bit further, and it's starting to feel more routine.


Okay, for some reason, my photo refuses to upload. I guess that's alright. That's what the Edit button is for.

Why did I choose something as mundane as a plant for a reward? Especially considering all the scrap supplies I've had my little heart set on lately?
Something about having houseplants makes me feel like a house is truly a home. That's been a big challenge for me since I've gotten this apartment. It hasn't ever really felt like "Home". It's felt more like a stepping stone between last year's boarding house and my "someday" real house. That's unfortunate, considering how much work I do every day to keep this place up and running. So I decided to tap into that energy that I feel whenever I walk into a house full of plants.

I think the plants in a house speak volumes about the woman of the house. It's like a touch of wild femininity in every corner. There's something very sensual about a house with plants; it tells vistors that this house is run by a woman. A woman who can cook, clean, organize, play secretary, and still have time to take care of something else.

The more plants I can surround myself with, the more I feel like I can be that woman.

Pockets, zippers, pouches, little hidden compartments, organizers and even a compact mirror. A pouch just big enough for my camera. And this one with buttons! That one with buckles! There's denim and cordorouy, cotton and mesh. Pink or black or purple or green.

I can't get enough of purses. Bags, sachels, sacks, carry-alls; whatever you fancy calling them. They call me. I can't walk past the purse aisle in any store. There's a temptation to finger through each one of them, to feel their different textures and ruffle up the fabrics; to poke at all their decorations and sort through all the pockets.

I can't justify it by saying I need them. I can't match any of them with a particular outfit; not that I'd even want to, when the beauties speak for themselves independently of the outfit. I can't justify it, I won't justify it, I just need them.

There's a sense of security that comes with knowing that you can toss your entire life over your shoulder and be ready to go at a moment's notice.
Someone has a headache? I have asprin.
First Aid kit? Check.
Gotta have the camera. And four different kinds of hand lotion. Oh, you want chap stick too? Got it.
Make up bag. Check. MP3 player? Right here. Notepad and a vast assortment of pens? On hand at all times.

So there's a practical reason. And then there's just the look of envy on people's faces when they see the treasures that I have always at my disposal because of my trusty purse.

Or the intensity when I decide to change purses for the day. When I dump this one out, what long-forgotten treasures will I stumble upon? What lies at the bottom, waiting to be lovd again? There's no greater excitement than finding that Bonne Bell Cherry Vanilla lip gloss that looked so good on me a few months back, lying at the bottom of a pocket, just waiting to be my favorite again. And the change that falls out! Dunkin Donuts today, courtesy of the purse! Can life get any better than that?

ARGH!